You know what you expect when you’re getting into a relationship, right? You will meet someone to laugh with, someone to help you work through the challenges and stress of life.
However, you probably do not realize that there is an entirely different side to relationships until one day when your partner does something that pushes your buttons. These moments will make loving your spouse unconditionally very challenging.
You can’t see what’s in your spouse’s heart, but you can see how they act. While your spouse may appear committed in the relationship, it is important to establish whether their love towards you is conditional or unconditional. Knowing how to love unconditionally can go a long way in ensuring a happy, healthy, and long-lasting relationship.
If you are wondering how to love unconditionally, read this article.
What exactly is unconditional love?
Loving your spouse unconditionally means loving someone selflessly, overlooking their flaws, and not expecting anything in return. Basically, it is caring for the happiness of another person and loving them without any rules or expectations.
Love is an open-hearted acceptance of someone despite his flaws. To love somebody isn’t just a deep feeling. It is a choice and an assurance. Because love is more than a feeling, there is a foundation for a couple’s promise to be with each other forever.
Unconditional love simply means loving another person without regard for how they treat you. In return, whether they are nice or nasty, friendly or unfriendly, kind or unkind, pleasant or unpleasant, you still choose to act in a loving way toward them.
Loving your spouse unconditionally requires knowing how to be forgiving. Forgiveness is hard to do when someone has hurt us deeply. However, it is essential for anyone who wants to love with their whole heart. The more we forgive, the better able we are to love our spouse without judging them for past actions.
What does it feel like to be loved unconditionally?
You can only practice it when you know what is unconditional love. When you are loved unconditionally, your fears vanish. You begin to trust that there is only love. You can relax into the moment and simply enjoy it for what it is. The concept of unconditional love eliminates the need to impress or be someone other than you because you know that you are accepted as you are.
You feel a sense of safety because loving your spouse unconditionally feels natural, and your partner will always be there for you no matter what happens. It gives you a sense of joy and peace even when things are not going as you want.
Consequently, you become more accepting of others and yourself because you understand that we all need love and acceptance. You can also extend care, acceptance, and non-judgmental attention to others without expecting anything.
How does unconditional love compare to conditional love?
Conditional love is a type of love that involves expectations, demands, and requirements. It’s a transactional kind of relationship where both parties are focused on “what do I get out of this?” rather than “what can I contribute to this.”
If you want someone to show you affection, you also need to show it back to them. If you want them to be committed to you, they expect commitment back. It’s an act of giving and taking where both parties agree that they will only give if they receive something in return.
For example, conditional love can be based on whether the other person meets your needs or expectations. It is a form of love that is based on earning it by fulfilling certain conditions.
On the other hand, unconditional love means loving someone regardless of the outcome. It doesn’t have conditions or rules. The focus is not on what you get out of the relationship but rather on what you put into it. You don’t expect anything from the other person in return for your love except for them to be happy.
To understand the difference between conditional and unconditional love further, read this article.
By loving your wife unconditionally, you accept your partner for who they are. You also find it easy to give them the space to grow and change as their needs change.
You will not stop loving your spouse unconditionally because their personality changes or because you disagree with their choices at any given time. Instead, you will try to understand their perspective and support them through difficult times.
How can you tell when love is truly unconditional?
Unconditional love is what we all crave, but only a few find it. When it comes to loving your husband unconditionally, you will be willing to do anything for them. You will go out of your way to make them happy or feel better about whatever is going on in their life.
You don’t even need to be asked. Loving your spouse unconditionally doesn’t end when the relationship ends. It’s not just a feeling of passion or romance. It’s a deep bond that loves and supports even when the other person is unlovable and unloving.
Unconditional love happens when we allow ourselves to be loved fully; even with our flaws and shortcomings, we accept ourselves so we can accept others. When we can unconditionally love ourselves and others, our relationships become more meaningful, and we feel more connected to those around us.
Here are some signs of unconditional love that show your love is unconditional:
- Your partner prioritizes your needs
- They are understanding and forgiving
- They overlook your flaws and don’t set unrealistic expectations for you to be perfect
- They make you feel valued
- They offer you a sense of security
- They open up their vulnerabilities to you
- They are always there regardless of the circumstances
Unconditional love examples
Here are some unconditional love examples.
- A parent’s love for their child
Generally, parents love their children unconditionally. They will always be there for them and support them. They may not like everything their child does or the decisions they make but their love is never in question
- Love between close friends
Close friends often feel a strong bond between them that may not waver even when they don’t see each other for years. Their loyalty to one another is unshakeable, no matter what life throws at them.
- Love between partners/spouses
Most partners/spouses feel unconditional love for one another that often lasts throughout the relationship and beyond even if the relationship itself doesn’t last forever. Loving your spouse unconditionally means understanding each other’s flaws and still choosing to stay together.
Sometimes your spouse may ask you to do something that you don’t feel like doing, like watching a new show or playing a new game. While you may feel tired and just want to rest and relax, going along with their plans shows that you support them and want to spend time with them.
Another example is when one spouse prefers going out to restaurants, while the other prefers staying home. In this case, the couple can come up with a compromise, like going out for lunch but eating supper at home. In addition to making sacrifices for each other, spouses capable of loving unconditionally also accept their partners’ flaws without judging them or trying to change them.
What is the best way to love your spouse unconditionally
When you practice unconditional love, you love the other person without placing expectations or conditions on your love. Unconditional love means that you love your spouse even when they are unlovable.
It means that you will accept them as they are, and not try to change them into what you want them to be. Unconditional love means that you will never give up on your spouse. It means committing in your heart to stand by them through thick and thin. Overall, unconditional love can be good.
However, it is very important to set the right boundaries even when you love your spouse unconditionally. Unconditional love doesn’t mean that you blindly accept bad behavior from your spouse.
While there is none perfect, there’s a huge difference between an occasional mistake and a pattern of bad behavior, and the latter should never be accepted or condoned.
Otherwise, this could drain you and you will end up doing more harm than good. There are no conditions to this kind of love, but some criteria such as love, kindness, respect, and safety should be included.
Watch this video where award-winning motivational speaker Lisa Nichols talks about the different ways you can love your partner unconditionally:
Unconditional love is the most difficult thing in the world to do. That’s why it is called unconditional. It is not earned, deserved, or based upon a specific action of another person.
It comes from a place within you that refuses to judge but rather chooses to love. Loving your spouse unconditionally requires a conscious effort on your part to put those barriers down and truly love the people in your life the way they deserve to be loved.
Even if they don’t deserve it, this should not prevent you from showing them how much you actually do love them. It is one of the most powerful experiences you can have in your relationship. Loving with a concept of unconditional love will enable you to solve problems more efficiently because it frees you from the limitations that attachment comes with.
However, if there are cases of abuse and violence, showing unconditional love may not be healthy. It should not be an excuse for tolerating bad behavior and it may be helpful to get counseling in such a case.